Interpretations of the Dad Stance
Understand how a man stands and you understand who he is. Or something like that.
The Classic Yard Stance
With his hands on his hips and with his khaki yardwork shorts sagging in the back, the “classic” is seen every spring weekend. Most notably accompanied by oversized sunglasses to help dad remember he was once cool but a wide-brimmed hat that confirms that he is not, this dad stance calls to the others. What is dad thinking about in this stance? There is only one correct answer: the Roman Empire.
Where’s My Tools Stance
There is no doubt what this stance means. When his arms are crossed in his garage, he stares at a lonely Phillips head screwdriver. Singular and without any friendship, the screwdriver calls out for his compatriots. Where is the rest of the set that he got for Christmas? It was here just a minute ago! The slotted screwdriver, the hexagonal screwdriver, and the weird little jeweler’s screwdriver are all gone. No, it is not possible that Dad didn’t put his tools back where they belonged. It had to be one of the children. But which one? It’s best if he just sits back and thinks about the Roman Empire for a bit while he hashes out this mystery.
The Past Curfew Stance
Oh, you’ve done messed up now. The clock clearly reads 12:01 AM and you were not home. You were just checking your email on your phone and didn’t think anything of it. So you walk into the home to find your Dad not in a stance at all, but sitting. There is no sound, the lights are dark, and he appears calm. He has the aura of a stance, and that’s what gets your defenses up. You check your phone, now it’s 12:02 AM. How long will you be grounded for causing your father such worry and heartache? His life is harmed every second you are late. The visions that haunted him will last a lifetime. It’s best if you just sit next to him for a bit and ask him about the Roman Empire.
Arms Wide Open Stance
Your heart beats faster as you see your Dad stand tall. Every time you go out, this happens. And it happens with everyone you have met since the day you were born. It’s so embarrassing. Dad doesn’t care that he wears black socks with sandals. He pays no attention to the cuts and scrapes on his arms he got while retrieving your favorite toy from behind the thorn bush. Who got the last piece of pie? Not Dad, and that’s ok. What he does care about is telling everyone how awesome you are, and boy does Dad love to talk. So he stops the lady at the DMV, holds his arms wide as his smile, and begins his “Let me tell you about my kid” speech. “Friends, Romans, Countrymen—my kid found my screwdriver today.”
I Can Take on a Tornado Stance
The weather has turned foul, and the clouds are starting to circle. The tornado alarms have started to go off. He stands on his front porch as calm as a Roman soldier about to march off into battle. Deep down, he knows he can’t take on a tornado. He knows it’s foolish to think so. But at the same time, this is his family, and they are scared. This is his home. For a moment, as his fists ball up next to his sides, he thinks that he could tackle a tornado if he had to. For his family. He is Dad, and dads can do anything because their kids believe they can. Lasso the moon, ride the wind, or tackle a tornado. He breathes deep, gives up the thought, and instead uses those wide arms to hug his kids. That keeps them safe during scary times.