Don't be Stupid
The Second Law of Stupidity: Stupidity is independent of other characteristics.
I’m a big believer that 25% of the world’s population are just plain stupid assholes, and I’ve encountered a big proportion of them. Sometimes, it’s the only thing that makes sense. And according to the book The Basic Laws of Human Stupidity, my estimation is way, way low. The first law is that “always and inevitably, everyone underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation.” To be honest, that makes sense.
In the parenting world where I focus on fatherhood, stupidity exists just like it does everywhere else. However, it’s still a bit shocking when you see it.
“If women would pick better mates, then they wouldn’t be single moms.”
And here you see stupid in the wild. Don’t worry about being loud and spooking the stupid, because that’s not what happens. Stupid thrives on loud and brash statements like its Barry White music and it's mating season for stupid rabbits (no offense to rabbits.)
Now we can get into why this is such a stupid statement.
The Third Law of Stupid
“A stupid person is a person who causes losses to another person or to a group of persons while himself deriving no gain or even possibly incurring losses.”
This is what this statement does but on a much larger scale than just a comment on a TikTok video or the other places that I have encountered it. This statement, in all of its various forms, absolutely hurts fatherhood. It’s an insult to men where fatherhood is their number one responsibility in their lives. The men who work crap jobs so their kids can eat or get that one cool backpack so they are not picked on at school.
Men who quietly go about their lives without expecting any special recognition for being a father. It’s simply the thing that defines us and motivates us to be better men. When your son or daughter looks up to you and says “help”, that is when you are at your best.
But that’s not what the world sees, and to be honest, most of us prefer it that way. As dads, we prefer the quiet. Instead, though, the world sees the stupidity of men defending deadbeat dads, those who don’t share in the mental load, or those who can’t be bothered to change a diaper. And those are the guys that put the failures of men on the backs of women. That’s what this statement does.
The question of who a woman chooses as a partner shouldn’t be part of the fatherhood discussion. That is to say the behavior of men who run when there is a child is not an issue moms and women should be dealing with at all. This is a fatherhood problem, and that is in my wheelhouse. Regardless if you get along with a baby momma is most of the time beside the point. You are a father. That’s the God Damn point. Defending those who neglect their most important role in life is stupid.
“A stupid person is the most dangerous type of person.”
Rarely do I write pieces that shame fathers. Usually, I think it’s the wrong way to go. Fathers are as complicated as anyone else and have their own unique set of problems, most of which go ignored. Male loneliness, how tough pregnancy can be on new dads, and how paternity leave is just the tip of the iceberg of the support that fathers need. Those are the issues we need to talk about and need to find solutions for.
And if anyone wanted to make a point about unfair court systems, the lack of equal parenting support, or being called a babysitter, I’m all ears. There are systems in place that absolutely keep fathers away from their children. Those are all debates that need to be had.
But this one doesn’t, and for those of us in the fatherhood realm, it should be impossible for us to sit back and not call this out. All of us fathers that have taken that three a.m. feeding because it’s the only time some people leave us alone need to say “Screw those guys. That’s not a father.” Because fatherhood isn’t someone else’s responsibility. It is ours, and to put the failures of men onto the shoulders of women is just plain stupid.
Parenting is not a competition. The problems that mothers have do not negate the existence of the problems of fathers. We hurt in silence while putting on a brave face for our children. We eat all the shit the world throws at us for our families and many times it feels as if we are disposable. And we stay up in the middle of the night to write articles so that we can help the other dads.
To tear down moms to make ourselves feel better is the most unmanly thing I can think of. And if you want to blame single moms for the fathers that took off, keep this law of stupidity in mind:
“Non-stupid people always underestimate the damaging power of stupid individuals. In particular, non-stupid people constantly forget that at all times and places, and under any circumstances, to deal and/or associate with stupid people always turns out to be a costly mistake.”