When my daughter turned 16, my wife and I began looking for a used car. Nothing special, just that it has four doors, a decent engine, and some tires.
So that apparently costs around $20,000. The used car market is absolutely batshit insane.
My first truck cost $1000. Granted this was back in 1992, and I get that inflation is a thing. It had an aftermarket air conditioner which, when turned on, would suck power from the 4-cylinder engine so that it could not make it up the overpass. As this was in Dallas, Texas, I had to make the choice to either burn to death or coast backward in rush hour traffic. Also, a year later I could only start it by popping the clutch. I miss that 1980 Ford piece of junk.
But that’s ok. I just had to use my superior negotiation skills. Skills that have been honed from years of parenting and getting toddlers to eat their dinner. I’m an expert negotiator.
The Four Wheels Option
This 1978 El Camino is what all the kids want to drive. Sure, the engine has seen some better days and the odometer has been ripped out, but that’s nothing to be concerned about. And do you really need a bolted-down driver’s seat? This is a classic, and the owner is even throwing in four tires. No, they are not new. Just that the car has four tires.
MSRP: $35,000 plus a hook-up to your weed dealer.
We Don’t Need Roads
If you are traveling, and not driving, then you don’t need a whole lot of things according to many sovereign citizens. This includes a driver’s license, insurance, or a street-legal car. This 1994 Ford Scorpio may not pass inspection, but it will also not get you to where you are going. Are there title problems? Only if you believe in a big-brother government. Now, you may think the windshield is shattered, but it’s only cracked. A lot. All over.
MSRP: $21,000. Additional bail money may apply.
Convertible Hood
Which teenager wouldn’t want a convertible hood? Let that engine breathe! More air into the intake means a faster acceleration. Or probably does, the owner of this Toyota Camry with 400K miles isn’t really a car guy. He also really isn’t the guy he probably said he was as his ID was printed at Office Max. But it’s a convertible! And it used to be red. Now it’s rust but it used to be red.
MSRP: $42,000 but only if you make a trip to Mexico and back. Have you heard of the term drug mule?
The Edward Scissorhands
This great new truck by Tesla is top-of-the-line and guaranteed to cut every artery in your body with its sharp and unforgiving angles. And its battery will not work at all in the really cold weather, thus keeping you off icy roads!
MSRP: $79,000 and a Twitter account.
Interest Rates Don’t Really Matter
Look, this is a nice car. 2010 Honda Civic with just over 100K miles. It has tires, doors, and a hood. The backseat has a small burn but it’s not that noticeable. This car is reliable and will get you from point A to point B without any problems. Now, we only use in-house financing but that’s for your convenience. We can let this baby go for 7 grand. Walk out the door. Don’t worry about the 87% financing. You’ll never notice that. Stop doing math. We here at big-time dealer don’t do math, we do dreams.
MSRP: $7,000 and an interest rate so high that you’ll pay off your student loans before paying off this car.
The Rumpelstiltskin
This fine automobile has no manufacturer. It was built by a couple of TikTok guys out of mud from Argentina. Don’t get hung up on brand names, sometimes you just need things to work. Which this doesn’t.
MSRP: Your firstborn daughter.
We eventually did find my daughter a car for a somewhat reasonable price. It took almost a year and a half, but she is happily driving every day in something that is not a death trap, has a hood, and came with 4 new tires.
I had a friend tell me not to compare the way I grew up to the way my kids are growing up. Having your own beater car was a rite of passage as a teen for me. It’s a piece of Americana. But things change, prices get out of hand, and it seems like much of what I experienced won’t be in the cards for my children. I was a homeowner at the age of 25.
Maybe the mud car guys can do housing next.