My daughter just turned 18, and now I find myself a little panicked. She’s already been accepted to college and is eager to go. When she moves out, our home will suddenly become just my home. And as I think of all this, maybe too dramatically, I want to make sure I’ve taught her everything that I could. Have I prepared her for life? Have I given her the advice that fathers are supposed to give?
“Believe people when they show you who they are.” It’s a quote from Maya Angelou. Dang, that’s really good. Of course, it is, it’s Maya Angelou. I’m not her, but I am a dad. And a writer. I know stuff, man. Good stuff. And before my daughter leaves, it’s time that I pass it on to her.
· Zits never go away; they just end up in weirder places. (Ok, that’s not even close to Maya, but we’re getting there. Stay with me.)
· In the apocalypse, boil your water, stay away from poison ivy, and always trust the dog.
· Car tire pressure is usually 32 psi.
· Donuts make any bad day better.
· You don’t have to make your bed. You can sit close to the TV. Have cereal for dinner.
· Nothing exciting happens in your comfort zone. (Now we are getting more poetic!)
· Have enough money on you for a quarter tank of gas and a taco. Somedays you need both.
· The Twilight Saga is not an example of a healthy relationship.
· There is no such thing as a South muffler and a North muffler. I just made that up so you would think I knew something about car engines.
· The bank doesn’t care why you are overdrafted.
· Juvenile court is no longer an option for you. “Tried as an adult” is your new normal.
· Books that are creased and have dog-eared pages are the best books.
· Offer the first bite and take the last one.
· A trebuchet is an appropriate home defense device.
· Never tuck your thumb inside your fist before you throw a punch. That’s how you break it.
· Always have one friend that will bail you out of jail, and then another friend that is sitting there right with you screaming “That was awesome!” – Alright, I stole that from your uncle. But it’s still solid advice.
· In a horror movie, chop up the main villain. I can’t stress this enough.
· Surround yourself with those that you admire. Wait, did I make this one up or did I hear it somewhere? That sounds great. I’m going to take credit.
· Don’t argue with toddlers. I honestly give this advice to new dads. It’s solid.
· Those who hold grudges are stuck in the past and cannot see their future. – Oh, that is some Zen-level dad advice. Like straight from Sun Tzu. Or it’s a fortune cookie. Maybe I should write those.
· The word “no” does not require an explanation.
· Call your mom. She needs to hear your voice.
· Kindness is quiet. Cruelty is loud. Take a moment and listen for the quiet.
You know what, Maya, that last one is pretty spot on. The truth is that I’m worried about my daughter going out into the world. Not because she can’t handle it, but because I don’t know if I can. Men and fathers are supposed to be stoic robots that smash down our feelings until we take up shipbuilding in bottles as a hobby.
But that’s not the way this is going to work. My daughter is the very best of me. Every day I’m still amazed that a younger version of myself exists in the world. She is confident, a little headstrong, but tough enough to take agency of her life. She’ll make mistakes, but they won’t break her. She’ll learn from them.
I’ll always be her father, ready to give her advice on whatever comes her way. And as she goes on to conquer her world, I’ll cheer her on. I’ll scream and yell. I’ll tell her to measure twice and cut once.
She’s my kid, and I’m proud of her. But just in case, my last piece of advice:
Hug your dad. He needs it.